WD-40 for Relationships
So often when I sit down to meditate, my small self (i) says, “i’m stressed, i need to meditate, i wonder if it will help calm me down.” That’s not the way my large self (I) approaches it. My large self knows that meditation is time for “I” contact— for remembering the larger version of me that is forgotten when the small self is in control.
Any easy way for me to begin getting “I” contact as I begin meditating is to do a body scan and thank all the parts of my body that do their jobs so well 24/7. Often I then progress to some forgiveness meditation. My small self wants to hold onto old hurts, but my large self is always aligned with the compassionate, forgiving energies of God, the Infinite, or whatever you call the source of our highest possible energies.
For me, forgiveness meditation—which can be as simple as bringing someone to mind and saying out loud things I want to forgive and let go—is WD-40 for stuck relationships. It’s like spraying that magical stuff on a rusty nut and bolt that have been locked in one position so long that all the muscle I have can’t get the nut moving. My small self, by the way, always thinks the nut is the other person!
Sometimes forgiveness meditation eventually allows an old relationship to make its way to new possibilities. Maybe that starts with an email or a phone call to express a willingness to begin anew. Other times, as when the person has died or the relationship is beyond repair, the slow movement of that stuck nut is inside. The rusty, locked up feelings of resentment, anger, or bitterness begin to loosen as I keep spraying them with the WD-40 of forgiveness.
In Radical Remission, Kelly Turner, Ph.D. recounts remarkable stories of people who healed from cancer even after their doctors told them there was no hope. One of the nine themes she found in interviewing such “miracle” survivors was releasing negative emotions through forgiveness. While forgiving may not always heal our bodies, it never fails to heal our souls.
Here’s a nested meditation that emerged from one of my WD-40 meditation sessions:
Regarding us, I have no hard feelings. Regarding us, I have no hard feelings— only soft ones like sadness and loss and love. Regarding us, I have no hard feelings— only soft ones like sadness and loss, and Love is finally allowing me to let go. Regarding us, I have no hard feelings— only soft ones like sadness and loss, and Love is finally allowing me to let go of trying to change you.
From Now is Where God Lives: A Year of Nested Meditations to Delight the Mind and Awaken the Soul copyright 2018 by Kevin Anderson
Marilyn vos Savant once wrote that a good marriage requires accepting your partner as they are and working hard on changing whatever blocks your own ability to be the best partner you can be. Forgiveness is a powerful way to change our inner world. It allows us to accept ourselves and others and unblock to the flow of Light and Love in our lives.
Wishing you the Light of forgiveness and joy this Christmas season and in the new year.